Sunday, 29 March 2009

what a pressure month..


these how my MARCH goes:

1. I began to lost hope on my current school friends.
Yes, we are not as close as we used to, after what had happened. I've already forgiven her. But, I still feel the pain. I don't blame anyone. It's how life goes.

People come and go. People can change. Just in a blink of an eye. I am not the kind of person who likes to commit a revenge or talking sh!t behind their backs. Just let them be what they wanna be. It's their rights kan?

True friends are hard to find. I know, we all do. So, for all of the people out there who are feeling the same as what I am now, keep searching okay. After you have found them, hold them tight. Don't let them go away. Cause you gonna need them.

2. I lost my Sayang. After 7 months, I have loved him with all my heart, giving all my love. Now, he's gone.
No where in my sight. I'm hurt.
My sayang kitty cat. Was born on the 6th of October 2008, died on the 3rd of March 2009. His name was Boot Boot. But I call him Puffy sumtimes. Most of the times la kot.

Among my other family members, he's most been close to me. We slept together. He even woke me up for Solat Subuh. Isn't that just sweet..

He would enter my room without me calling for him. If I'd close the door, he would scratch the door and meowww while waiting for me to open the door.

I would always play with him and he had always been such a lovely cat to me.
I cried for 1 whole day after I knew he was gone forever.
I kept on crying when I see something that will remind me of him on that week.

Like when I saw his sister, Cici, I cried. Coz if he was here, he would play with his sister.
Keep making fuss in the house. Run here and there. But now, Cici is lonely ;(

Like when I saw my bed when I wanted to sleep & he's not there ;(

Like when I wanted to feed Cici and he wasn't there ;(

I didn't go to school on the next morning coz my eyes were soooo puffy. Like bengkak & red.

Until now, whenever I think of him, I cried, once in a while. I would sing to sad songs like Mariah Carey-Bye bye, Miley-I miss you, Christina Aguilera-Hurt.

I miss him soooo much. I miss my other cats too : Baby comel, Galok/Pussy, Leopard, Tiger, Baby, comel and others too. After I had a new one, I don't forget my past cats that I used to have. Their are like my babies.

pHOTOS of My sayang Puffy/Boot Boot :-

-i am holding him in my bare hands when he was 2 days old.

- He was teman-ing me surfing the net

- Puffy & comel, his sister who had died a few months earlier.

P/s : I have been postponing this post coz i kept crying while typing.

Bye, take care of your cats ok ;)

Tuesday, 3 March 2009

Can I just make you disappear, PLEASE ?


I manage to escape from Aminah & Siti for one whole day coz I was absent on Monday XD
I went to school today.
I was so nervous and kept thinking wth could happen today.
Me and Siti studies in the same class.
We didn't talk until it's time for recess.
The conversation went like this:

Me: Hi, Siti.

Siti: Hi. (with a normal tone, she's not upset)

Me: Siti, I am so sorry about last week if i did make u hurt. I have no idea if u ever felt that way
until Aminah text it to my phone.

Siti: No... It's okay. I am fine. You are thinking too much. It's nothing, Qis. But I think Aminah who is
feeling angry right now. She seems so pissed off !

Me: Yes, I know. My sis told me she saw Aminah's face. She was a definite bomb that is about to
to explode !

Then, we walk to the canteen together.
I bought my food and I saw Aminah sitting at a nearby table.
I kept thinking what should I do :

a) Just act like I don't see her in the first place and eat my food at the end of the canteen.
b) Run away as fast as I could.
c) Sit next to her table and act like nothing had happen.
d) Confront with her and tell her that I don't want to be her friend anymore.
e) Tell her that I am sorry.

So, my fellow readers. Which of the following, you guys think I did ?
The "drama" went like these:

I hold my breath & my heart was pounding hard and fast.
I walked to Aminah and I stretched my right hand out to her and said I am sorry.
And you guys know what she did ???
She put on her annoyed face & said : " Ohh, PADAN MUKA. Spe soruh kn?? "

My heart drops. I felt like I want to scream at her face :
Who do you think you are? If I didn't have a friend like you, I would still be alive !!!!!
Didn't she knew how hard it is to actually apologize sincerely ??
Maybe she never did.
And I wish a million times that I could turn back time so I didn't have to apologize.

I just want to make things better.
I don't want to be a Muslim who doesn't talk with another Muslim for a few days, months or even years.

But my heart hurts. How could she done this to me ?
Anyway, back to the "drama" ,
After she said that words, I just smiled and said :
"Do you want to forgive me or not? If not, I'll go and eat somewhere else."

To be exact, of course I don't want to smile, I just wish I said this:

" Okay. If that how you say it, I just have to take my apologize back and I am leaving you.
Gone, forever. "
But I didn't. I couldn't.

Back to the "drama"
Aminah didn't even say I forgive you or It's okay, people make mistakes.
Instead she said : oh, Qis, just sit, okay.
I just go on and sit while my heart just felt like exploding and burning.
I ate my food and I didn't even faced her.
I just felt like I want to run away.
Run away from her.

That's the end of my "drama"
Me and Siti is back to friends. Like we used too.
But me and Aminah is back to "friends". Obviously not like we used too.
And I don't wish for us to be back to being real friends. After what she did.
I just go with the flow.
But, I am not hating Aminah.
Not liking her too.
Know what I mean?

p/s : I am not using some of the people's real name :)
This post was being postponed for a few days, coz something BAD had
happened.Tell you guys in my next post.